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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25166077">Can’t blame me (the heart knows what it wants)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temaki/pseuds/Temaki'>Temaki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shall We Date?: Obey Me!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Long-Distance Relationship, Miscommunication, Time Skips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:26:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25166077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temaki/pseuds/Temaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It really had been fate, you and Satan.</p><p>Had.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>AO3 Character Tags/AO3 Freeforms Tags (Anthropomorphic), Main Character/Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan/Yoosung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Can’t blame me (the heart knows what it wants)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>August 29th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really had been fate, you and Satan. After meeting in RAD, you were inseparable. You had the perfect young romance that grew into a love that you hang to no matter what. He was more than your first love, he was one of your best friends, someone you could trust in, someone to rely on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So you couldn’t help but feel sad and misoriented as you watch him place the last carry-on on his car, ready to leave for his master’s degree. In some distant point of the human world, while you were stuck in the Devildom - ironically, really. It was a pain just to think about how far away you’ll be, but although you don’t like it, you know it’s a great opportunity. He had gotten a full scholarship for the music program at the Soul Institute of Arts. It was an impassable opportunity, a once in a lifetime chance, and you were both very aware of it. That’s why you hug him, kissing him gently one last time. He had asked you not to drive him to the airport, because it’d be too much, too hard. You had agreed, even if it hurt a little, mostly because you didn’t want anyone to see you cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,“ he said, resting his chin on your shoulder. You held onto him tighter, not wanting to let go, hoping that the moment would last forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too,” you whispered through the tears that were already forming in your eyes, and he smiled, moving away from you a bit to thumb at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry. I’ll be back,“ he touched his forehead to yours, hand roaming lightly in your hair, and you sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” a deep breath, “I know,“ your eyes met his and he smiled, reassuringly. Everything would be okay. You would make it work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said, softly, then took a deep breath. “I have to go, can’t lose the flight”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You only nodded, choking up on your tears, and walked him to the door. He scooped you up one last time, kissing your face everywhere, and you both giggled. Your hands gripped his shoulders subconsciously, and, even as he settled you back on the ground, you didn’t let him go. He laughed lightly, removing your hands and intertwining your fingers together, then hugging you once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you,“ he confessed, voice muffled by your hoodie, and you stifled a cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you too,” he ran a hand through your hair, kissing your forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Skype me every day?“ he smiled, getting into the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know it,” you answered, promptly, because you knew you would, and he looked relieved. “Good luck there, I’m sure it’ll be amazing”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Y/N,“ he said, holding your hand in one of his, the other one twisting the key in the ignition, “For everything”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded, caressing the back of his hand with your thumb, “You too”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded as well and took a deep breath. You smiled, softly closing the door for him, and waved as he left the curb, entering the highway. You tried not to focus on the fact that you wouldn’t see him again for at least one year as you watched the car disappear on the curve out of your apartment complex, and walked back inside, feeling numb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>September 1st</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey babe!” his voice rang through the shitty speaker of your computer, not matching the image being displayed on the screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sat, I can’t see you! The image is delayed!,“ you exclaimed, looking at the frozen image of what you assumed was Satan, but looked more like a blur of white and orange.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my apologies,” you heard him swear, and then a thud. There was more fumbling around and a few more swears, and suddenly he appeared on the screen, smiling widely at you. The quality of the video still wasn’t perfect, but you smiled anyway. It was him, he was there, he was safe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can see you now!,“ you said, just as he asked if the video was working, and you both giggled, “How was the flight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine, my back hurts a bit but other than that, it was actually pretty good. I got a window seat,” he fumbled around with what seemed to be a speaker, plugging it into his computer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. You should’ve called me when you landed! I was worried sick!“ you scowled, and he cackled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to, babe, I swear, but I had no signal and no internet for hours after I arrived,” he explained, twisting the cord of his earbuds as he spoke,  and you felt your heartwarming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss you already,“ you said, tears threatening to spill from your eyes, and he looked at you with fondness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do too,” his voice was heavy with unshed tears, and you both fell quiet for a moment, relishing in the bittersweetness of the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s too good an opportunity for you to pass it, Sat,“ you smiled softly, and he nodded, smiling too, a mix of sadness and knowing in his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he sighed, shoulders slumping, “But I miss you. One year is too long”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is,“ you agreed, “And I’ll die of loneliness probably, but we can make it through!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we can!” he cheered, laughing loudly, and you felt your heart swooning. Whatever happened, you knew you and Satan would be okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>September 15th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m like super late, I’m sorry,“ you told him, finally sitting down and pulling your laptop onto your lap. He shook his head, waving you off, and smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry!” he perched up, sitting back against the headboard of his bed, and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Tell me about the university! What’s it like? Do you like your classes?“ you chirped, excited to hear it all about his first week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bounced up and down on the mattress, a big smile spreading on his face, “Yes, oh my god, Y/N, everything is so beautiful! The studios are amazing and the teachers are super nice. Everyone in the program is too”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so happy to hear that, Sat! I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” you said in earnest, body relaxing. You were more worried about his first day than Satan himself, too scared about possible cultural shocks, people not getting along with him, him feeling alone…things like that. He laughed when he noticed that, shaking his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re unbelievable. You were that worried? Do you not have any faith in me?“ he asked, pulling an overdramatic pose, and you giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not it and you know it. Of course, I knew you’d be okay! You’re the most outgoing person ever,” you joked, although it was the truth, and le laughed, pleased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Hey, want to see how I organized my room?“ he asked, out of the blue, and you clapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yesss! Show me around, give me a tour!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satan laughed and picked the laptop up, walking around the room, and you smiled as he showed you every part of his new life, beaming proudly at your boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>October 7th </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t understand, she really doesn’t cut us any slack,” Satan whined, for the thousandth time, about his new teacher. Apparently, she was a legend in the hellish music industry, but a cold bitch to her students. Satan had five different assignments, all of them involving groups, and he was tired. He had called you, eyes droopy, voice rough with sleep, and you felt bad for holding him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should rest, then, Sat,“ you said, as sweetly as possible, and he nodded, head lolling from side to side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. I just really wanted to see you before I went to bed,” he pouted, smiling tiredly at you, and you wished you could cuddle him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can stay until you fall asleep, if you want,“ you promised, and he perched up at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, babe,” you answered, and he nodded, too tired to keep talking. Satan settled down on the bed, laptop focusing on his face only, and you spoke softly to him, smiling to yourself when, not even three minutes later, you noticed he was already out like a light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>October 24th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, sorry I haven’t been able to talk much lately… things are… hasty right now,“ Satan said, avoiding your eyes. he rubbed at the back of his neck, black beanie covering his blond locks you loved so much, and you sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, don’t worry,” you dismissed him, waving a hand, I just missed you, that’s all”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you did. I… missed you too,“ he cast his glance down, twisting his fingers before he took a deep breath, “I have something to tell you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart jumped, for some reason, those words seemed nothing but appealing to you, but you nodded anyway, letting him speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… not going home for the new year,” he said, fast, getting it out of the way, “I can’t”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? But why? You had it all planned out, you even had the money!,“ you exclaimed, not understanding. Satan and you had planned for him to return to your city for the new years, and you would go back with him to the Devildom for your summer vacations. You had both been saving money for it since the day you found out about Satan’s scholarship. It made no sense, and you watched as he fidgeted around, settling the laptop down on the bed before speaking again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something came up. Something important. I’ll have to stay here for it,” he explained, vaguely, and that annoyed you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is so important that you’ll have to throw away our plans?“ you snapped, making him flinch slightly. His eyes ran around the room nervously before he looked at you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second, it seemed like he would tell you what it was, a mix of resolve and questioning tangling in his features, but he only shook his head slightly instead, “I can’t tell you. But it’s important,” his eyes met yours, “I mean it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Satan,“ your voice was harsh, and you crossed your arms in anger, pouting at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said, honestly, and then glanced to somewhere in his left, “Uh… listen, I gotta go”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes widened at that, “Already? But it’s barely been ten minutes since we started talking!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’m sorry,“ his eyes met yours. He looked nervous, almost worried, and you huffed, still a bit annoyed. You simply waved him off before ending the call, not even bothering to say goodbye, and guilt flooded you as soon as you shut your laptop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>November 3rd</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really cool,” Satan said absentmindedly. He was clearly uninterested in whatever topic you talked about, only glazing them off and humming along to your words. Your chest felt heavy. There was something wrong with him, you were sure of it, but he wouldn’t tell you what. He pulled his phone out, glancing at it for the thousandth time before slipping it back into his pocket. He checked the thing every three minutes or so, and every time he did, he looked more worried, and his mind slipped even further away from you. Every Time he did, you felt worst. Your head was filled with possibilities of why he was doing that, each one worse than the other, and you couldn’t take it anymore. Satan had been getting colder, more distant with every call, and it only served to make you more and more unsettled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna hang up,“ you said, after minutes of you silently watching Satan, checking his phone like he was waiting for something, not even noticing you had stopped speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up then, after you spoke, and looked shocked. “What? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have barely spoken to me and I have to get some things finished before tomorrow. For uni,” you explained, trying not to be too harsh on him. His expression changed, guilt clear on his face, but you waved him off before he could apologize - it seemed to you that, in the past calls, all he did was apologize -, “It’s cool, Sat, don’t sweat it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,“ he said, simply, “Can we talk later? I’ll call you? On the phone,” he looked ready for a flat out rejection, but you cackled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, that sounds good,“ you said, and he smiled. “Goodbye, then”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Y/N, good luck with your stuff,” he smiled, looking relieved - whether it was about you not being angry at him or the call being ended sooner than expected, you didn’t know -, and waved back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too, Sat,“ you said, voice breaking, and you turned the call off before he could notice. Your chest felt heavy once again as you settled down the computer, your mouth tasting like iron and your mind spinning with thoughts you never knew you’d have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>November 25th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, I gotta be quick, my group will be here soon for the project,” Satan explained, going about the room and tidying it up, hiding, socks, and just about anything that was in the way in the closet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay,“ you lied. It wasn’t. You really missed Satan, having barely spoken to him the last weeks, and you felt horrible for feeling jealous but you did. You felt like some weren’t right like it was the calm before the storm, and that unsettled you. But Satan had more important things than you being (possibly) wrong at that moment, so you let him be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear I will call you tomorrow and we’ll speak for hours, but right now I really can’t,” he said, panting slightly from running around, and you sulked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, it’s no problem”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Y/N, you’re the best!“ he threw you a flying kiss, coming closer to the screen, and you smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Sat,” you said, and he laughed before saying goodbye and turning the call off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day, when he called you like promised, something still felt wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>December 7th</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’ve been chatting with Satan for a little over forty minutes, and honestly, you were extremely relieved, glad to actually have a proper conversation with him again. It wasn’t the greatest of the talks you’ve had, he kept dodging certain subjects and checking his phone every now and then, but the fact that he seemed to be paying at least some attention to you, answering accordingly, asking you questions, commenting on little things, seemed like a positive sign to you. Satan rubbed the back of his neck as he explained the antics of the book he was reading to you, saying it was one of the best works he’s ever heard when his phone rang. He stopped mid-sentence, glancing down at it, and his eyebrows shot up when he saw the caller I.D. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it? It’s everything okay?“ you asked, noticing his sudden discomfort, and he looked back at the screen as if just remembering you were there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! It’s nothing, I… Y/N, I have to take this, so… I…. I have to go,” he tripped over his words, getting up from the bed. You watched his head pop up on the corner of the screen as he answered the call with a quick, “Hello?,“ and mouthed an “I’m sorry,” to you before closing his laptop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sat on your bed, still surprised, looking at the black screen announcing the call had ended. Satan had never before ended a call because of a phone call, always preferring to either take them while still talking to you or ignore them and call back later. You felt sick to your stomach, the recurring sensation that something was wrong coming back to you with full force as you stood from your bed, still thinking of what happened. You stilled, head swirling, and walked down to the kitchen. You needed some painkillers and sleep, thoughts settled on ignoring the strange sensation that you were still feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>December 22nd</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watched as the three blue dots on the screen jumped up and down, waiting for the call to connect. It had been nearly three weeks since you last spoke to Satan, and you missed him immensely. You ran a hand through your hair, adjusting your headband, trying to calm down your nerves. It had been months since you started to notice the change. Satan called less, talked less, and was less enthusiastic. During your (rare) skype sessions, he kept glancing away, stumbling over his own words. He seemed to rethink everything he said before saying it and was constantly shifting places, changing the theme of the conversation and ended the calls earlier than you’d expect. You knew something was wrong, and your chest felt tight, a small voice in your head giving you a pretty good idea of what, but you didn’t want to accept it at first. You spent weeks convincing yourself that he was probably just nervous from his papers, or that he missed you, or maybe he was too tired, but in the last call, that he ended abruptly when he received a phone call, you started to see the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart lapped when the call finally connected, Satan’s face showing up in the screen, and smiled nervously, fixing your posture and taking a deep breath, ‘Hi!,“ you exclaimed, waving at him. Maybe if you pretended not to see something was going on, everything would be fine in the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, babe,” he said, shoulders slumped. His eyes were filled with emotion, but not the one you wanted to see in them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bit your tongue, cursing yourself internally, but you had to know. “Is there something wrong? You seem a bit off lately”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satan stiffened, eyes flying to somewhere off the screen. they lingered there for a second, and he nodded lightly. He looked at you and took a deep breath. His eyes were fixed, confident, and he had that “this is the right thing to do” look on his face, “Y/N… we need to talk” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>you shivered, his words cutting through you like a cold blade, but you kept your facade on. “Oh no, I know what that means”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded once more, slowly, and finally spoke. His voice was clear like he had practiced the line over and over again, but his expression showed more emotion than you’ve ever seen him display before.  “Y/N, I… there’s… someone else”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words come like a slap. You thought you were ready for them, expected them, even, but you weren’t. Your head spin, tears immediately gathering in your eyes, but you bite them back. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to tell you before, I just… I didn’t know how,“ he said, voice tainted with sadness and blame, “I’m sorry”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You cheated on me,” you said. You could feel your blood going cold with the weight of his words. It wasn’t unexpected, you saw it coming from a mile away, but the words still hurt you, still made you want to crawl out of your own skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Worst. I’ve fallen in love,“ he said, voice heavy. He was looking at you with so many emotions that you felt dizzy, but you didn’t doubt his words for a second. Your heart thumped loudly against your ribcage because you weren’t expecting that, but you also knew he wouldn’t lie about it to you. Satan had always cherished love above all things - it was one of the things you admired most about him -, those words were as true as they would ever be, and knew that. You opened your eyes again, unsure of when you had even closed them, and watched him. His eyes were cast downwards as he tumbled with the charm of the necklace his mom had given him. You recognized the motion as a nervous tick of his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is she?” you asked after a quiet moment, despite your inner voice telling you to not do it, and watched as his shoulders visibly slumped, eyes moving side to side nervously. His hand, that was still playing with the charm of his necklace, stilled, and he bit, his lower lip, as he always did when unsure of what to say. “Don’t tell me…,“ you let your voice roam off, mainly because you didn’t want to finish the thought that lingered in your mind. As a response, Satan took a deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… his name is Yoosung, I’ve met him at the university. He… he is good to me, Y/N,” he answered, refusing to make eye contact with you for more than a second. He was playing with the necklace again, and, in the silence that had made its way between the two of you, you could see that he was looking at something off the camera.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Satan…,“ you wanted to curse, to be mad at him, to turn off the call and cry your eyes off, but you didn’t do any of those things. You stayed, quiet because you didn’t know what to say, couldn’t know what to say, but he spoke instead, filling the gap that quickly formed between the two of you as he voiced everything that, you knew, had been eating him alive for the past months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I screwed up. And I know you might never forgive me, and I don’t blame you for that, Y/N, but I want you to know that I did not plan this, I didn’t know it would happen nor I wanted it to happen. But it did, and…I’m really happy. Happier than I’ve ever been before. He’s… wow, he’s just… amazing,” your heart shattered slowly, you could feel every piece of it falling down with every word he said. You kept quiet, unable to do anything about it, too focused on grasping the situation and keeping all your emotions at bay - too scared you would explode if they all came at once. Satan’s voice had a fondness that you’ve never before heard, his eyes were glimmering and he was smiling his gummy smile, even though you were sure he hadn’t noticed. You took a deep breath and swallowed the tears threatening to spill from your eyes as you felt your first love slip away from you and fall into someone else’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…,“ you tried out but the words didn’t come. For once in your life, you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to do or how to be strong. You wanted to scream, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad at Satan. It’s a harsh truth of loving someone: you want them to be happy, no matter how much it hurts you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” it’s all he said, and you know it’s all he could say. He fell in love, and even though you wanted to blame him for everything, it wasn’t his fault. There are some things you can’t control. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can… can I meet him?’, you asked, surprising not only Satan but yourself. Why would you want to meet the person who took from you your first love? But, as Satan looked at you, dumbfounded, you understood why you asked it. “I… I want to make sure it’s real,“ you whispered, and whether Satan heard you or not, you didn’t know, he simply nodded and dodged behind the computer, muffling the speaker with his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although you couldn’t make out the words, it was obvious that a conversation was being held. Your heart sank a little more when you realized that the guy - Yoosungi - had been there the whole time, listening to you and Satan talking. You wondered, sluggishly, if he had been there in your past video calls, if, during the times he looked away from the camera, Satan had been looking at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a thump, some shuffling, and a boy showed up on the screen. He was shorter than Satan by a head, blonde hair falling over his eyebrows. His eyes were drawn, beautiful, and slanted, adorned by thick lashes that contrast his milky white skin. He was gorgeous, you had to admit, and your heart shattered a bit more at that. He looked nervous, picking at the sleeve of his black sweater. It had the logo of the university in white, and you thought you’ve seen Satan wearing it on a skype session you had a few weeks before, but at that moment, you weren’t sure of anything. Satan slipped into the frame, next to the boy, and looked at him, deep affection seeping through his facade. He looked uncomfortable and unsure, fumbling with the charm on his necklace, and cleared his throat before speaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N… this is Yoosung,” he glanced between the both of you, biting at the skin on his bottom lips, a small cut bleeding in it, but he licked it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hi,“ Yoosung said, cautiously, waving slightly at you. He fixed his posture, moving away from Satan slightly - probably for your comfort -, and smiled shyly, stealing glances at you, but mostly keeping his eyes on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…,” you forced the word out, trying to remember how to speak, and he seemed a bit more relieved to see you weren’t screaming, “N-nice to meet you,“ you said, even though it wasn’t the truth, but you knew Yoosung wasn’t at fault for falling for Satan - you knew how easy it was to be charmed by the boy, and how nice and caring he was - and was even less at fault for Satan falling for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was an uncomfortable silence, the almost palpable tension lingering in the air, before Satan cleared his throat again, smiling at Yoosung, “Uh… Yoosung is in the music program too,” he said, obviously hoping to break the ice. You tried thinking of something to say to that, mind going blank, but before you could answer, Yoosung cut through the silence that was settling again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,“ it’s all he said, but you understood. You nodded slowly, fixing your eyes on his for the first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” the words flowed out of your mouth before you could think them through, raw and sincere. As much as you were hurting, and you felt like you’d never be okay again, Satan looked happy, the happiest you’ve seen him in a long time, and that’s what mattered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yoosung nodded, lips pursed, before mouthing a soft “Thank you”. You found yourself smiling, even if it was a sad one because they both looked genuinely relieved. Satan didn’t say anything, watching the exchange quietly, glance shifting from you to Yoosung and then back. He didn’t even move. It was the quietest you’ve ever seen him, and even though it only helped to settle the realness of the situation, even more, it seemed fitting. You all glanced at each other, none of you speaking. Yoosung’s eyes lingered in Satan and he smiles automatically, before batting the other’s hand away from the charm. He mumbled something that you couldn’t understand completely but sounded like a slight scowl, and Satan chuckled lightly, catching Yoosung’s hand in his. He seemed to realize that, then, looking back at you in shock. There was a dead second before lowered their hands - Yoosung looking sorry and ashamed, and Satan looking apologetically - but even if they were out of frame, you knew they kept them together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, I…,“ Satan spoke up, then, but seemed to not know what to say. He took a deep breath, looking at you, “I’m so sorry”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” you said, smiling softly, and his shoulders slumped visibly, “But I also know it’s not just a fling. I know you,“ you spoke truthfully, and he looked at you, thankful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday,” he said, slowly. His eyes didn’t leave yours, and for some reason, you thought that was better. You wanted to see the emotion in his eyes, one last confirmation that this was real, “You’ll always be a special person to me, and a huge part of my story. I love you. But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But not in the way I love you,“ you concluded, and he glanced down, taking another deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not anymore,” his voice was whispered, soft, low, and intimate. “I did, though, love you in that way,“ he added. It was a confession, even though his eyes are still glued to the floor, “But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life changes, Sat. I’m not gonna lie to you and say I’m okay, because I’m not, but believe me when I say I wish you both luck,” you glanced at him, and then at Yoosung, “I hope you’re very happy together”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Satan smiled, then, as big and bright as you remembered his smile to be, and thanked you. Yoosung smiled too, although more reserved, and you nodded once more, looking through the both of them one last time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome,“ you pulled the computer closer to you on your lap. It was a bit rude, but you were ready to put an end to that conversation. Your limbs felt heavy and you could already feel a headache forming. The tears you were holding back and exhaustion the of the past half hour finally catching up to you, making your throat sore and sight foggy, your hands trembling as you unplugged the computer from the wall, and faked one more quick smile at them, “I should go”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes… one more time, I’m sorry,” Satan said. He looked apprehensive, maybe wondering if you’d be okay but too scared to ask, and you shook your head lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be,“ your voice was already heavy, stained with the tears that would fall as soon as you shut your laptop, and he nodded knowingly. You took a deep breath, biting your lip to keep from crying as you ended the call. The screen went black, announcing that you had been disconnected, and you shut the app as quickly as possible. teras logged up in your throat as you were met with the picture of you and Satan smiling happily that you had as screensaver stared at you, mockingly. You shut your computer with more strength than needed, holding back a shriek, and threw it on the ar Y/N hair next to your bed. It landed with a loud thud, but you didn’t bother checking it, it could break for all you cared, you didn’t want to have to look at the picture ever again. You breathed in on your bed, head replaying the entire call over and over in a numbness moment before the pain came, all at once, hitting you in the face with cold, gruesome truth. Your head lolled down as you hugged your pillow,  no longer having the strength to hold back your tears.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is crossposted on tumblr!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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